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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29321871">Since there is no me without you</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/WeAreTheLuckyOnes/pseuds/WeAreTheLuckyOnes'>WeAreTheLuckyOnes</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Canon Divergence, Ep 20 doesn’t exist in this house, Fluff, M/M, Post s15e19, Scent bonds</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 10:08:21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,898</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29321871</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/WeAreTheLuckyOnes/pseuds/WeAreTheLuckyOnes</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean, Sam and Jack retrieve Castiel from The Empty following Chuck’s demise the only way they can: by making him human. Completely human. As this is the first time Castiel has been completely human for a long enough period of time, his body begins to present his secondary sex. The reaction Dean’s one body has to the newly minted human is… surprising to say the least.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Castiel/Dean Winchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>36</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>SPN Family Valentine's</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Since there is no me without you</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hectatess/gifts">Hectatess</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>A Valentine’s gift for the lovely Death aka Hectatess. Happy Valentine’s Day Death! </p>
<p>Thanks to Peaches for the beta!</p>
<p>Title from Achilles Come Down by Gang of Youth which somehow became one of my favour songs out of the blue and I am very confused.</p>
<p>This is literally the third fic in as many months I’ve written without porn, who am I? Obviously I’m an adult now, and no longer a horny teenager. I don’t know if I like it.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>At first, it’s Castiel’s - or well, Jimmy’s - blue tie. It’s not like Castiel uses it all that much anymore anyway, he’s really only keeping it for sentimental reasons now, but its sudden disappearance is <em>confusing</em> to say the least. He looks for it for a few days, then resigns himself to its absence, happy to continue on with his life without it.</p>
<p>But then his red hoodie disappears, too.</p>
<p>Two items of clothing aren’t necessarily a pattern in a household that regularly shares clothing, but it’s certainly annoying. He really liked that hoodie. After a few hours of looking he shrugs it off, deciding it’ll do the rounds and be returned to him when it’s ready.</p>
<p>The third item is Dean’s AC/DC shirt, which Castiel chalks up to its return to its rightful owner and calls it a day, but the fourth is when the pattern emerges. His sweatpants go missing, and he knows he left them on his bed when he went to the shower room. He finds another pair of pants to wear, but also reminds himself to ask Sam and Dean about the strange happenings.</p>
<p>He finds Sam first, in the map room with Eileen, pouring over a pile of books and Chinese takeaway. He sits at the table with them and steals one of the food boxes which he finds filled with chow mein. “I think something is stealing my clothes. Perhaps a kobold or a pixie. Have any of your belongings also gone missing?” He asks, signing at the same time so Eileen doesn’t have to read his lips. </p>
<p>Sam frowns and looks over at Eileen. “I don’t think so, what’s gone missing?”</p>
<p>“Items of clothing. Jimmy’s tie, the red hoodie Dean gave me the first time I was human, the AC/DC T-shirt and my black sweatpants. And I know I put the sweatpants on my bed when I went to take a shower,” Castiel tells him, using a plastic fork to shovel some of the noodles into his mouth. He still hasn’t quite managed to master the use of chopsticks, despite how hard Dean has tried to teach him.</p>
<p>“That is strange. I’ll look into it, tell me if anything else goes missing,” Sam says, pulling his laptop closer to himself, distracted now that he has something to research.</p>
<p>Castiel nods his head, stands up from the table with the chow mein and goes in search of Dean. He finds him in the <em>‘Dean Cave’</em>, watching something on TV that Castiel doesn’t recognise. He sits down next to him wordlessly.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>-*-*-*-*-*-</p>
</div>Castiel’s good white shirt - the one he uses most often on cases where he needs to wear a suit - goes missing next, in his closet one day and gone the next. He tells Sam first, before going in search of it. He checks the washrooms, the laundry room, and the common areas, before finding Dean to ask him if he’s seen it.<p>“Nah man, where was it last?” He’s just gotten out of the shower, wearing an old ratty pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt Castiel is sure is Sam’s, towelling his hair dry. It’s gotten long - it curls around his face now and Castiel’s not sure if he should tell Dean how much he likes it, how good it looks, or if that would be crossing boundaries. Dean was always a stickler for boundaries, though he’s loosened up on them a lot in the last three years. </p>
<p>“My closet,” Castiel replies, worrying at his bottom lip with his teeth. Dean’s eyes track the movement for a second, before moving away so quickly Castiel’s sure he’s imagined it. “My tie, too. And my sweatpants, my hoodie, the AC/DC t-shirt you gave to me.”</p>
<p>“Lent to you. Though I dunno man, they’ll probably turn up eventually,” Dean tells Castiel, shrugging his shoulders. “I gotta go shave. I’ll keep an eye out for you, buddy.”</p>
<p>“Thank you, Dean.”</p>
<p>A few days later his pillow goes missing from his bed, which is completely ridiculous and unendingly irritating. He searches the bunker from top to bottom, checking every room other than the occupied bedrooms, before asking Sam and Dean to check their rooms.</p>
<p>Sam is running with the theory that they’ve got a family of pixies living in the bunker, but Castiel doesn’t understand why he’s the only one with missing belongings. What could he have done that pissed them off so much they’re stealing his things?</p>
<p>They go hunting for the pixies, checking every nook and cranny the bunker has, but come up empty-handed. Sam and Eileen are still fairly certain it’s pixies, pixies whose nests are just hidden <em>very</em> well, but Castiel isn’t so sure anymore. The missing items don’t seem to link up with the normal MO of pixies - they tend to gravitate more towards stealing car keys, phones, wallets, gloves; inconveniences. While the loss of Castiel’s belongings are annoying, it’s not necessarily inconvenient.</p>
<p>Then, one day, Dean comes out of his room wearing Castiel’s red hoodie. Castiel could brush it off, tell himself it just happened to land in Dean’s room, and Dean hadn’t realised it was Castiel’s, but it wouldn’t explain the other missing items. He doesn’t bring it up with Dean, though. Instead, he waits until Dean’s gone, off to the store to pick up bacon, whiskey, Sam’s granola and Eileen’s rum and raisin ice cream. When Dean’s out of the bunker, Castiel sneaks into his room, going in search of his things.</p>
<p>He checks Dean’s bedside drawers first, opening each briefly so he can see inside without breaching Dean’s privacy more than necessary. He checks under Dean’s bed, in the bureau, in the book cases, through the headboard’s shelves before finally moving over to Dean’s closet.</p>
<p>Inside, sitting in the bottom, is a pile of blankets and pillows (including Castiel’s own) and a bunch of Castiel’s clothes, more than Castiel had realised was missing. He doesn’t understand it, there’s still so much of humanity he needs to learn, so he leaves the clothes where they are and goes to ask the two people he’s sure will have some ideas.</p>
<p>He finds them in the <em>Dean Cave</em> watching <em>iZombie</em>, one of Dean’s favourite shows (he says it’s because the main character is hot and there’s lots of blood, but Castiel knows differently). He’s seen it just about a million times, but Castiel knows he’ll still be mad when he realises they’ve been watching it without him. </p>
<p>Sam and Eileen are kissing, and Dean keeps telling Castiel not to interrupt these sorts of things, but Castiel’s sure this is important enough. He steps inside, clears his throat to catch their attention and says, “I've found my belongings.”</p>
<p>“Hmm? Oh, have you?” Sam asks after he and Eileen have pulled apart. He shoots Castiel a look of irritation and Castiel does feel kinda bad.</p>
<p>“Yes,” Castiel replies, nodding his head once. “I found them in the bottom of Dean’s closet with other bed coverings.”</p>
<p>Sam’s eyes go wide and he climbs to his feet, says, “you found them in his closet? Did it seem like there was enough space for him to climb inside?”</p>
<p>Castiel thinks about it for a moment before he nods his head and says, “Yes, I think so. Why?”</p>
<p>Sam looks at Eileen and they have a silent conversation through eye contact. Eileen signs something that Castiel only catches some of, because Sam’s large body is in the way. One of the words is <em>scent</em>, and though Castiel obviously knows the word, he doesn’t understand the connotation. They both turn back to Castiel at the same time, looks on their faces that he can’t decipher.</p>
<p>“Do you know the significance of a nest to an omega?” Eileen asks, squinting at Castiel.</p>
<p>Castiel frowns. “Theoretically? The secondary sex characteristics of humans was never something I bothered myself with. As a matter of fact, neither were primary,” he replies, shrugging his shoulders. “However, I understood the basics. Omegas create nests for security when their semi-annual heats draw near.”</p>
<p>Eileen and Sam both nod before Eileen - the resident omega expert, given her personal presentation - signs, “Familiar scents help comfort omegas, but omegas don’t bring the scent of someone that isn’t blood related into a nest unless…”</p>
<p>“Unless?” Castiel asks, feeling his frown growing deeper.</p>
<p>“Unless their body has identified that person as a potential mate,” Sam finishes, sitting back down in the seat next to Eileen. “Dean has identified you as a potential mate. The temporary theft of that person’s belongings is fairly standard. I should’ve realised it earlier.”</p>
<p>“Does a mate not need a secondary sex? I don’t have one.”</p>
<p>“Either Dean’s body hasn’t realised that yet,” Sam begins, humming thoughtfully. “Or you do have a secondary sex, you just haven’t presented yet.”</p>
<p>“I’ve been human before, and I haven’t presented thus far.”</p>
<p>“Yes, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you won’t, this is new to all of us. We don’t know how your body is going to react,” Sam replies.</p>
<p>Castiel thinks about it for a moment, nodding his head. “And how will I present?”</p>
<p>“We won’t know until you do,” Eileen signs. “Dean’s attraction to you is no indication. Same presentation mating mating pairs are just as common as opposite presentation mating pairs.”</p>
<p>“So, I have to wait?”</p>
<p>“If you’re going to present, yes,” Sam replies, nodding his head. “But what will you do if you do present?”</p>
<p>Castiel tilts his head to the side, frowning at the two people in front of him. “How do you mean?”</p>
<p>“Are you attracted to Dean?” Eileen asks.</p>
<p>Castiel scoffs, then laughs. “I thought that was fairly clear, and had been so for a decade.”</p>
<p>Eileen and Sam look at each other again, having another silent conversation, this time without signing. When they turn back to Castiel, Sam says, “I think we suspected, but you’re quite good at hiding it.”</p>
<p>“Perks of my thousands of years experience as a soldier,” Castiel replies. He sighs thoughtfully before he continues. “Does Dean feel the same, or is his body simply identifying me as a potential mate?”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, Cas, I don’t know. He’s better at hiding his feelings than you are. You can thank our dad for that.”</p>
<p>Castiel nods, he’s very well aware of the treatment Dean and Sam experienced at the hands of their father. He’s been dealing with the aftermath of Dean’s John-triggered repressed feelings for ten years. “So, I guess I’ll just have to wait and see.”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>-*-*-*-*-*-</p>
</div>A few days later, Dean disappears into his bedroom and doesn’t emerge for four days. Even if Castiel hadn’t understood the implication, the smell - like cherry pie, freshly brewed coffee, honey whiskey, pire smoke, and expensive leather - that permeated the bunker made it rather clear what was happening. The fact Castiel could smell it well enough to distinguish each scent and his body reacted to them in a way it never had before made it fairly clear that he was going to present, and likely sometime soon.<p>Dean looks exhausted when he finally reappears, going in search of coffee at eight on Wednesday evening, but no worse for wear than he’s been in the past, even with the dark circles under his eyes. He smiles at Castiel as they pass in the kitchen, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. He still smells of cherry, coffee, whiskey, smoke, and leather, but no longer so strongly. It’s tinged ever so slightly sour, by an emotion - of that Castiel is sure, though he doesn’t know what it is, and how he knows it so surely.</p>
<p>He takes his curiosity to Eileen, because he finds her first in the laundry room, shoving clothes from the washing machines into the dryers. She must see him in the corner of her eye, because she turns to look at him as he enters.</p>
<p>“What kinda of things are you able to smell?” He asks her in sign, climbing into the bench opposite the machines when he’s done, feet dangling a foot above the floor. “Emotions?”</p>
<p>“Sometimes, if they’re strong enough. Why?” Eileen replies before shoving the last of the clothes into the dryers and turning them on. </p>
<p>Castiel waits for her to turn back to him before he signs, “When I passed Dean in the kitchen he smelt sour. Not as though he’d gone without a shower, it was something else.”</p>
<p>Eileen tilts her head to the side, a thoughtful look on her face. “Dean smells sour when he’s upset and he’s trying to hide it, almost like vinegar.” She leans back against the machines and crosses her arms over her chest before she says, “A heightened sense of smell is an early indication of presentation in children.” </p>
<p>“I am not a child.”</p>
<p>Eileen shakes her head and says, “No, but you are going to present soon.”</p>
<p>“I can explain what to expect if you present as omega, but you’ll have to ask Sam if you want to understand an alpha’s presentation.” Castiel nods his head so she knows that’s what he wants. Eileen uncrosses her arms so she can sign, “For about six hours before it truly starts both omegas and alphas run a low grade fever. When the heats and ruts start, the fever lessens, though it won’t feel like it.”</p>
<p>“What do you mean?” Castiel asks.</p>
<p>Eileen chews her lip and thinks for a moment, like she’s trying to decide what to say and how to say it. “The arousal will feel like a fever, but you won’t actually have one. You’ll feel fuzzy, maybe a bit dizzy, and it will feel all-consuming, the only thing you can think and feel, especially the first time.”</p>
<p>“I’ll be like that for four days?”</p>
<p>Eileen winces. “Closer to a week for your first heat,” she tells him, her face sympathetic. “It’s far worse because your body is new to the feeling. Eventually it’ll become accustomed to it.”</p>
<p>“And I’ll need to… what do I do while it’s happening? Masturbate?”</p>
<p>Eileen’s cheeks tinge red. “Yes. Penetration helps. I’ll… we’ll get some things for you, just in case. Okay?”</p>
<p>“Things?” Castiel asks, tilting his head to the side curiously.</p>
<p>Eileen’s cheeks flush darker, and again she looks like she’s trying to figure out what to say. “Sex toys.” Castiel nods his head in understanding, and then again so she knows to continue. “It’ll be hard to remember to eat, but Sam or I will bring you food, or Jack if he’s home.”</p>
<p>“Not Dean?”</p>
<p>Eileen shakes her head no. “Dean is unmated and only recently off his own heat. His body also identifies you as a potential mate, it just isn’t a good idea.”</p>
<p>Castiel doesn’t understand, but he nods anyway.</p>
<p>Castiel’s next indication that his presentation is coming is not a fever, but rather the sudden appearance of Dean’s old leather jacket in between his bed sheets. He knows he took it, though he doesn’t remember doing it. He knows he should give it back, but he also knows he’s not going to, at least not yet.</p>
<p>He knows Dean won’t go looking for the jacket, it brings up too many bad memories for Dean (it’s why he never wears it anymore, he hasn’t looked at it in years). It still smells like Dean though, and Castiel keeps it folded under his pillow for days before his brain helpfully reminds him of what Eileen told him.</p>
<p>He finds Sam by himself in the storage room and sits on the floor next to him before asking, “Do alphas take belongings like omegas do or is it only omegas?”</p>
<p>Sam squints at Castiel. “I mean, it’s not unheard of, but generally? Only omegas.”</p>
<p>“I took Dean’s leather jacket. It’s under my pillow,” he tells Sam. “I think the reason is fairly clear. Do I tell him?”</p>
<p>Sam sets the artifact in his hands down and removes the leather gloves from his hands. “It’s up to you, Cas. I can’t make the decision for you.”</p>
<p>“I’m worried he doesn’t actually want me.”</p>
<p>Sam nods. “I know,” he says, turning to Castiel, face sincere and sympathetic. “But you’ll never know if you never ask.”</p>
<p>Castiel knows, but he’s still afraid.</p>
<p>“Do you want Eileen and I to go on a hunting trip?”</p>
<p>Castiel thinks about it for a moment, chewing on his bottom lip before he finally nods. Sam climbs to his feet and pats Castiel’s shoulder on the way out of the room. Castiel stays where he is for awhile, staring at the wall for a moment, thinking about the freckles on Dean’s cheeks before he stands and leaves.</p>
<p>Castiel doesn’t actually get to talk to Dean alone, cause as soon as Sam and Eileen are gone (on a salt’n’burn case they stole from Claire and Kaia) Jack appears in the kitchen looking for his cereal and a place to crash. He looks exhausted. While Jack is a celestial deity, he’s still at least somewhat human, and does occasionally need to take care of human needs. He forgets that sometimes. He usually only stays a night or two before flying back to heaven to continue his full scale overhaul.</p>
<p>“Put the cereal down, kiddo, let me cook you something,” Dean says, taking the cereal box from Jack and pulling him into a hug. When he pulls away he takes Jack’s face in his hands and studies him. “You look like shit, Jack. Don’t leave it so long next time.</p>
<p>Jack promises not to, though Castiel knows he’ll do it again - he gets so distracted, so consumed by his new purpose, that everything else gets forgotten sometimes.</p>
<p>Jack stays for three days - eating and sleeping, watching TV pressed in between Dean and Castiel - before disappearing again, just in time for Sam and Eileen’s return. Eileen pulls Castiel aside quietly to ask him how everything went, and Castiel has to explain that he never even got a chance to speak to Dean thanks to Jack’s appearance.</p>
<p>“Dean will figure out something’s happening if we leave again so soon. He might force you to talk before you’re ready,” Eileen signs as Sam and Dean talk animatedly in front of them, the four of them entering the kitchen together.</p>
<p>Castiel curves his hand and taps his fingers against his temple - <em>I know</em>. He watches Dean reaching into the fridge for enough bottles of beer for all of them. “I’ll figure it out, don’t worry.”</p>
<p>Eileen nods her head and takes the beer handed to her, twisting the cap off.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>-*-*-*-*-*-</p>
</div>Castiel’s next chance comes a few days later. It’s almost midnight when he stumbles into the garage in search of the jacket he left in the Continental when he took her out to the store. He’s pretty sure he left his phone in the pocket, he can’t find it anywhere else, so it must be in the jacket and he must have left the jacket in the car.<p>Dean is lying in the Impala’s backseat with the radio turned on, his Fleetwood Mac cassette playing. Castiel can’t remember the name of the song, but he knows it’s one of Dean’s favourites.</p>
<p>Castiel steps up to the car and leans in the open window near Dean’s head, looking down at him. “Are you alright?” He asks.</p>
<p>Dean opens his eyes and looks up at Castiel, a small smile on his face. His eyes are so green and so bright, and Castiel imagines he can almost see the man’s soul again, so bright and beautiful. “Fine, Cas. Sam and Eileen were at it again.”</p>
<p>Castiel nods his head in understanding before leaning back out of the window and opening the door. “Move over,” he tells Dean, before climbing inside next to the man when he sits up. He shuts the door behind him and they sit there together in silence for a few minutes, listening to the music. After a while, Castiel takes a deep breath and says, “I’m going to present soon.”</p>
<p>Dean nods. “I know. I can smell it.”</p>
<p>Castiel nods too, then continues, “I know you’re the one that took my belongings. I found them in your closet, Eileen explained it to me.” Dean takes a harsh deep breath in and Castiel waits to see if he’ll speak, before continuing when he doesn’t. “I took your jacket, the brown leather one? Hadn’t even realised I’d done it before it had appeared in my bed, under my pillow.”</p>
<p>Dean clears his throat before, with a rough voice, he says, “You can keep it, Cas.”</p>
<p>Castiel turns to look at him. “I love you, Dean. I’m in love with you.”</p>
<p>Dean takes a deep, shaky breath and nods his head again. “Yeah, I know, of course I know. I’ve known for ages. Even before you said you loved me when the Empty took you.”</p>
<p>Castiel frowns and asks, “Why did you never say anything?”</p>
<p>Dean sighs, shakes his head. “So many different reasons. Left over guilt from dad, uncertainty of my own feelings, fear. I thought I imagined it for a long time, thought I was seeing what I wanted so badly to see. You were an angel, how could you ever love a human like that?”</p>
<p>“I’m not human anymore, Dean.”</p>
<p>Dean nods again, chewing on his bottom lip. “I have more guilt now. Dad, he hated same presentation mating more than he hated same gender mating. He’s been dead for almost fifteen years and he still hangs around like a bad smell.” Dean sighs, leaning back against the leather seat, rolling his head to the side to look at Dean. “I still have things that I have to unlearn, but I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my entire life, Cas.”</p>
<p>Castiel swallows the lump in his throat and lets what Dean’s said sink into his brain before he twists his body towards Dean and says, “Is it alright if I kiss you?”</p>
<p>“If you don’t I might go insane.”</p>
<p>Castiel leans over and takes Dean’s cheek into his hand, pressing their lips together in a gentle kiss. The kiss itself is chaste, nothing more than a soft press of lips, but it goes on for so long that Castiel grows breathless and has to pull away just to get enough oxygen to dive back in. He kisses Dean properly this time, and Dean’s hand reaches up to wrap around the back of Castiel’s neck. Castiel licks into Dean’s mouth and Dean’s tongue flickers right back. Castiel’s chest is tight, and he has to pull away again to breathe.</p>
<p>This time, he presses his forehead to Dean’s and closes his eyes. After a long silence between the two of them, no sound in the garage but the quiet rhythm of the music playing on the radio Castiel takes a breath and says, “You can keep the t-shirt, but I want my hoodie and the pillow back.”</p>
<p>Dean laughs and says, “Alright, I promise I’ll give it back.” </p>
<p>Castiel grins brightly and kisses the man. </p>
<p>Castiel’s heat still looms over the horizon, and he has absolutely no idea how he plans to handle it now - especially knowing Dean might go into a spontaneous heat if he’s with Castiel - but it’s something to think about another day. For now, he’s more than happy to sit here in the Impala with Dean and kiss him, while Stevie Nicks singing gently in the background.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Do you like Destiel? Well you're in luck! Profound Bond is a server on Discord for people just like you, you can find it <a href="https://discord.gg/profoundbond">here</a>!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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